Insecure AF
Welcome to the blog I've been waiting to write about....the relationship blog!! Yay because to know me is to know I'm an expert....yeah... in the field of unhealthy relationship patterns. Until recently I had only had 1 legitimate adult relationship not "situationship" because there is a distinct difference. If you don't know the difference...oh honey..we need to talk! Being anxious as hell hasn't help my dating life at all ! It wasn't until my current relationship with my Boo Face (sorry honey) that I understood the mistakes I was making in other situations. He is quick to interject when I am being over analytical and knows exactly what to do to bring me back to planet Earth . I am very skeptical of most people's intentions when it comes to intimacy or building relationships. I am often withdrawn, or not too privy to letting anyone get too close until they've passed some sort of Boys Scout course or something, don't ask! I will engage in "Netflix and Chill" prematurely meaning he'd get to know 0 things about me. Typically there wouldn't be any indication he was interested in anything long term. I'd get back home and feel...absolutely ...nothing. There's this stigma that comes with being plus size....we're sexual objects, a dirty little secret, and usually because of low self esteem we fall for the okey doke. Not saying this is every situation but my personal research found this to be typical. So when a man genuinely expresses interest I freak TF out. I question everything! Why do you wanna take me out? Why do you like my smile? Why are you being nice? Do I at least get dinner? Or my favorite...the "bitch " yea I can be one when I'm trying to weed them out rapidly. No sense in wasting time. One man changed how I view dating, actual dating something I had not experienced at 29 years old. Sad I know. We met at a bar, we danced I figured that was it until he refused to leave without my number. His approach, and persistence was attractive and different so...boom he got me. I told him about my anxiety after a few months of dating so he would understand my tantrums, episodes and constant need of his attention. It was never about him but my need to feel secure, loved, and being reassured was always necessary. This constant need for validation came from years of men letting me down after giving them trust...never deserved it in the first place. Now he can sense when an episode is on the horizon and does certain things that always ease my nerves.
So if your significant other experiences anxiety/panic attacks here's how you can help:
1.How to approach the situation is very important. Instead of saying what's your problem? What's wrong with you? Ask is there anything I can do to help you relax? Please be sincere with it ! We can sense the B.S. Simple!
2. Daily positive affirmations:Tell him/her how much you support their goals, give them advice for their new project. This will show them that you have a genuine interest in what they're doing.
3. "I love you's" for no reason...always a plus ...guaranteed to bring a smile.
4. P.D.A. gimme kiss (Stevie J. voice) do it ! You'll be surprised how this small gesture will create a feeling of security and the fact you're not afraid that the world knows that's your baby.
5. Little gifts to help him her relax when you're not around (bubble bath, candles, specific music playlist Boo Face definitely did this for me)
6. Food....sorry health nuts but if he brings me some snickers ice cream I'm eating it. Even cooking a nice meal together, working together building that trust because if I trust you cooking my food, I trust you with my life.
7. Shopping together..we've done this many times. Just getting out of the house focusing on re decorating the bath room is a nice distraction. The feeling of inclusion is what's happening here.
8. A quick weekend getaway (still waiting honey) Don't make any strategic plans, just book, pack, and Go!
9. Pop at your loves job for lunch (make the co workers jelly lol)
10. Being held in your loves arms...lemme tell you. I wait for the days he stops over and i just sit in his lap and vent. the best part is being heard! Also lots of cuddles, because who doesn't like cuddling?
This is not about me bragging or boasting about my relationship. This is my way of stepping into this new phase where I will not allow my anxiety to overpower my ability to love and be loved. This is my chance to evaluate my mistakes, grow from them, and allow someone to be apart of my journey in love. In honor of my new favorite addiction "Insecure" I'm not feeling insecure AF as I once was. I actually know that someone understands my situation and is willing to work with me no matter how challenging it can be sometimes. Remember this if nothing else ..do not make plans or promises you do not intend to keep. There is almost nothing as devastating as making a plan, doing everything you can to make something special, and then someone cancel. Please don't make promises it will throw our anxiety into over gear and it is hard to gain back someone's word once they have broken a promise. Often times it is hard enough for us to agree to certain things so please take note of how we feel, or how your decisions can effect us emotionally. To my anxious friends remember this, do not be quick to reply when you are angry or feeling tense. Take a break to re group and seriously think before dealing with sensitive matters. I have to have conversations with myself more often than I'm willing to admit. I find myself having to force myself to think! So it's okay to think before you react. please be patient, meditate, then come back to it! Insecurities will feel so small in the right hands! Don't forget our favorite HBO series is back this Sunday !! #TeamIssa v. #TeamLawrence
xoxo Curvy, Confident & Nervous as Hell
Thank you to my "Face" for his co writing this week!
experincing aniet TAKE NTES!