You Ain't gotta Lie

I hope we can still be friends because we were friends first and I love you. I know you understand since you want to have a family someday. I damn near threw my phone when this mutha****a sent me a Facebook message. First off, the nerve to tell me we’re over, over Facebook? Then to top it off it’s because you’re engaged with a baby on the way after years of putting up with your abuse. Ok...ok...keep calm Samantha...don’t do anything crazy. I’m telling myself as i feel my body temperature boiling hot, all I see could see through my tears was red. Calm down, you knew he was an idiot already right? Smash there goes my phone against the wall. I screamed loud enough so God could hear me, it’s all I could get out. I knew I had to get out of the house immediately,so I called one of my sisters and sped over to her house. I knew I was hurt but it didn’t hit me until the words rolled off my lips, he lied to me. I scroll through Instagram to see that he and his fiance` were in a competition to win a free engagement photo shoot. The photographer, a good friend of mine...you not getting this one buddy. I felt the tiniest particle of satisfaction knowing I had interrupted that. I wanted them to hurt as much as he had hurt me. I contemplated blowing up his spot, posting text conversations pictures from dates. I’m better than that luckily for him. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. This was the day, the instance, I stopped shushing my own feelings. My 3rd eye was unlocked and has been ever since. In so many instances (not as dramatic) like this I ignored my intuition, that little voice in the back of my mind trying to tell me something isn’t right. There’s an upside and downside to this heightened sense. The downside is, anxiety will not let me rest if I even have a single thought that something isn’t right. I ponder over it, analyze possible outcomes, and reactions. It is terribly agonizing to think something is wrong especially if it isn’t then you just feel dumb. But if you were right that something was up and you spoke on it...it’s a win-lose. In conflict there are 3 different types of conflict resolutions, win-win, win-lose, lose-lose. In most instances 1 person win and the other loses. In others, no one wins.No one wins when the family feuds. No one wins when there is one person who is in conflict with their 3rd eye. This agonizing feeling of uncertainty will run through your mind a billion times a day. It will keep you up at night, it will distract you at work. So how does an anxious person really deal with lies,and conflict? Most of us won’t deal at all out of fear. Me..I used to push things to the side. Life's experiences have taught, if there is an issue or some unsettling feeling I have to address it. It’s not worth my sanity to feel something is not right and keep it inside. I'm not doing it! If it’s bothering me you're going to know. My feelings are valuable. My feelings are to be respected, and they will not be dismissed to appease anyone. Point. The blank. And the period. I spent way too much time pacifying my needs, to be quiet now. I need to be able to speak honestly and truthfully in all I do. It’s the only way for me. Speak truths to those you love. To my readers who do not know how to communicate with someone with anxiety, here’s the #1 tip for you, BE HONEST 100%, Don’t sugarcoat. Lies will only be more damaging; they grow like a fungus over time. We will not be over it and move on so quick, do not rush the process of our personal healing. We have to (as usual) analyze analyze analyze. We will eventually see the upside that you respect us enough to be honest. My ultimate question is , why do we lie?” To protect ourselves? Or to protect someone else? Is it easier to lie sometimes? It can be but beware of the consequences. Most of us know when we’re being lied to...just be honest , even though sometimes the truth may hurt. The third eye never lies! You ain't gotta lie to kick it . Keep it a buck!

xoxo- Sam