All out of Whack
The last few months have been pretty great. Went back to work after a relaxing summer off, started a fresh school year with plans of being dope, became a mentor to a high school student etc. Suddenly out of nowhere, Boom guess who’s around the corner, hey it’s me anxiety. I missed you girl. Damn just when I thought I had it fully under control it’s back. I’ve meditated got my good mojo going and then back to the same ol same. It seems i’ve gotten caught up in the hustle and bustle of events, weddings, friends, family, and I forgot about me for a minute. Just because I did good for a bit doesn’t mean I’m magically cured. I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw this status that read “ Why is it so hard to be happy, and being miserable is so easy?” Damn that hit the nail on the head. Is it really that hard tho? Is it hard or do we as people make it hard by analyzing everything? I think I’m pretty good at giving advice, take care of yourself , want me to help you, let's meditate. These are things I often say to my friends or loved ones. I’ve kind of lost my momentum I had going . I go home after work, watch some T.V., play with the dog, talk on the phone same ol boring sh**. While I’m thinking it’s one thing but it’s really the big “A”. Now I’m caught in how to get out of this funk? It’s even becoming visibly evident….No lie I’m in one of my “fugly” moods...by fugly I mean fu***ng ugly. Yes, I said it. When you have some internal struggles sometimes it shows on the outside. I haven't even been doing my makeup in the mornings (unlike me in every way) My face is usually beat for work. I'm pretty much in jeans and a cardigan or t shirt. “What’s wrong with you?” You don't look like yourself. AGGGGGGGHHHH! These are the questions I look into the mirror and ask myself. I try to be positive as much as I can but I struggle and now is one of those times. Mercury retrograde is over right? Maybe I’m feeling the aftermath of it, who knows. I couldn’t even find the energy or motivation to blog this week. My meditation Guru as I call her, came to me with some information. She sent me a picture of 2 cards she pulled for me, 1 said focus and the other said change of scenery. Bingo! I’ve been saying for months I need a getaway. I’ve had a trip here and there but I need to go somewhere I can fantasize about later. I need something to look forward to. Focus...I’ve definitely lost a bit of it. I have to get the good juices flowing again. I’m thinking continue to meditate, take care of myself first and stop stretching myself so far for others. I’ve got to stop doing this ! I’ll go get it for you, sure I can come,I’ll help out. I just can’t at the moment. I hope my loved ones can understand sometimes you just need reassurance that you are loved and cared for and actions to follow. Words need action in order to manifest and flourish. In my crazy, anxious mind...action says everything words can’t. At this time of whacky feelings...I need some time to refocus, reenergize, and rethink. I’d like to pose this question to my readers, what do you do when you feel out of whack?