Leave work at work
Slams bookbag down, Ms. Walker I don’t like this bitch! She just stupid I swear. First of all ma’am watch your language, secondly what are you talking about? This teacher gave me an F and called my mom. She didn’t give you an F you earned an F because you cut class. This conversation happens at least about 5 times a day at work. Students vs. teachers, teachers vs. principals, students vs. students you get the picture. My job in a nutshell is to run damage control, be the calm in the chaos, the voice of reason if you will. Meanwhile, in my mind I have over 100 thoughts per minute. I have to keep my desk covered in sticky notes just to remember all the tasks I have for the day. I love my job, I love being an advocate for those who may not have a voice otherwise but when I tell you mentally, I have never been this tired! If I just had the ability to just focus on the kids that would be ideal. I’m a therapist, social worker, listening ears, a voice for the voiceless. In addition to my career, I’m constantly working on building my own empire and still striving towards my own dreams. Everyone wants you to stop what you’re doing listen to their problems, dump their emotional shit on you, vent and this is outside of work I’m talking about now. Imagine interfacing with several hundred teenagers crying about their first heartbreaks, hating their family life, then going home to have family members call you and dump their emotional shit off. It’s like oh I know exactly where to drop my shit off, this looks like a good place. Don’t get me wrong I’m a good listener and I have a no judgement policy but sometimes I just can’t take on anymore. I literally block people out when they start talking sometimes.I feel it’s necessary to say it again, sometimes I cannot listen, sometimes I cannot give, sometimes I cannot be what you need me to be for the sake of my own health. I work directly with a population of people who suffer from barriers that are hindering their educational progress. Once I take that hat off I’m pretty much spent, completely done. So many days I go home from work take a shower and just lay around all evening, my energy is low, I can’t give anymore of myself most days. I push myself constantly to be there for everyone but I need for people to have a little more understanding of my struggles. Be courteous when you call me! Don’t dive into a ramble about your issues before you ask how my day was, how I’m feeling, If I got enough rest last night. It’s just common courtesy. The thing about mental health is sometimes I don’t have the capability to turn off my brain, it goes on and on late into the night. I am human, a person dealing with her own mental health issues. I think because I don’t come out and say,” hey, I had a breakdown at work today because I’m working on a project alone” people don’t think my issues exist. They exist whether I discuss them or not that’s my personal choice. With some people I have code words so they know what kind of day I’m having.I do not want anyone’s sympathy but understanding. I think I’ve done a good job managing my condition, but be mindful I do have issues and once I am burnt out it takes alot to restore. Imagine having a burnt out computer trying to reboot the motherboard. It’s a time consuming process, that needs professional expert attention if you get my drift. There have been occasions I have broke down in front of my bosses which was super embarrassing but empowering. I finally had to tell them, I have mental health issues and sometimes the stress triggers my anxiety/depression. I am not going to walk around with a sign that says hey i’m under the care of a therapist tread light. But it is important that your superiors have knowledge about health issues. I had a classroom with about 10 students all wanting grades checked, look at my math test, look at my attendance and I finally couldn’t take anymore. I said to everyone,” please step out, I need a moment to myself”. I had to eventually talk to my students about my condition so they could understand when I need my moment.. I NEED MY MOMENT. I will never forget the time I had a meeting I had all of these reports, assignments, and information due, I had to have prepared in a matter of a day or 2. It was a high pressure situation, during the presentation I felt heat on the back of my neck, my heart was beating rapidly, my chest began to hurt. Out of nowhere hot tears started streaming down my face, I couldn’t control them. My boss stopped me because I had ran out of the meeting. At that time I was taking care of my mother, working full time, and I had burnt out. I’ll never forget her telling me, you can’t take care of her before you take care of yourself. I drove myself straight to the emergency room because I was sure something was wrong. That was the first time I had a panic attack at work, but it wasn’t the last. Of course I was back at work the next day like nothing ever happened. That’s how I do , I have my melt down, my moment, I pull myself together like it didn't happen. I try not to acknowledge them, (the panic/anxiety attacks) I don’t want to give them any power. However they happen, and once they do. It’s an intense situation. Depending on the severity of the attack, they have the power to take over my whole body. I’ve had attacks right before going on stage. I go outside to the car cry ,scream, breathe for a while come back and kill a show, and no one ever knows. As I come into contact with more and more of my readers, they feel comfortable opening up to me about mental health. It’s a conversation that’s being had more frequently around the work place and I’m glad to know people are more comfortable talking about it. I have to keep reminding myself, do not kill yourself for a job that will replace you in a heartbeat. Be well as we transition into the winter months !
Here are a few tips for self care for the work day
Create a corner in your space that is calming and sit there in silence before you start your day listening to music, or just enjoying peace and quiet
Take lunch breaks away from the job, even if its out to the car
Do not engage in office drama, no matter how juicy, its not conducive to keeping positive energy!
Write when you feel frustrated, take out a pen/pencil good ol fashion venting the best way to talk to yourself and release those thoughts
Coloring, it’s not just for the kids adult coloring is a thing
Breathing exercises, breathe stretch shake,let it go
Write yourself affirmations to look at throughout the day
Form a work tribe your go to people when you need to vent or just to have a laugh together ( I love my work tribe)
This sounds crazy but I listen to twerk playlists every morning before work and I twerk in the mirror...its a female energy thing. I swear by it ! Get a little ratchet before you get in the car to head out, and keep the party going on the ride in.
It sounds impossible but leave work at work ! Once you leave out for the day leave the baggage.
These are all things I’m currently telling myself to do, It’s difficult to leave work behind when your work is so important. Separating personal from professional is a big part of reclaiming your outside of work self. I’m going to do better and I hope you will too!