Deuce

I sat on the couch and just let my thoughts flow freely. I had been going back and forth in my mind about whether or not anyone would read what I wrote. After about an hour and a half I had found a blog site, took some photos with my camera, and wrote a few pages of content.

Writing has always been my 1st love and I got some much needed confirmation from a higher power it was time the world heard my stories. My main focus at the time was my recent diagnosis of Panic Anxiety Disorder (PAD) and moderate seasonal depression. At the time I was on 3 medications and wasn’t myself at all. I had to find a way to bring myself back and starting a blog was it.

That was 2017, and I’ve come such a long as it pertains to my mental health journey, and my overall maturation. I’ve been in therapy for almost 6 months. I’ve taken the time to really find out who I am, what I’ve experienced and where and who I want to be. I feel so much better. I spend more time doing things I enjoy even if that means doing some things alone. I’m doing what I want on my own terms. I guess you could say I growed up a little. I was always a bit passive and went along with things so I wouldn’t be a problem child, I hated the thought of being labeled a whiner. Shit, now days if I don’t like something, the food at the restaurant is trash, we have a lover's disagreement I’m addressing it. No more holding my feelings in to appease someone else.

I have also been so much more aware of my energy and who it attracts, who I allow in my personal space. It may seem odd to some folks but I keep the traffic in my home to a minimal. Over time I’ve learned energy sticks so be aware of what you let it. My relationship with social media has changed up a bit. I still like posting funnies and being silly but I try to be more intentional about what I view on social media and of what I post. Everyday there are thousands of fights, brutality, and negativity on line. I try my best to stray away from such things, and some days I lay the phone down and give my phone a rest (not often as I should but phones are addictive).

I think the biggest lesson I’ve been working through is not letting my self esteem suffer when I feel defeated. I’ve developed a soft spot for myself. I speak kinder words to myself. I’m still a work in progress but recognizing my faults and accepting accountability for things I participate in was a major key in this process.

I’ve reflected on my personal relationships and how they are meaningful/detrimental to my journey. I’ve learned to accept people for who they are and not for who I’d hope they would become. I’m surrounding myself with people with like mindedness, people who want to be better, people that work hard for the things they desire. In some ways I feel like I’ve helped others see their own light while I’m working on my own shit.

This blog in particular is a shout out, a simple you did it ! I set myself up for failure so many times simply because I didn’t hear myself , I had so much noise around me I couldn’t make out my own voice. I’m so elated to have so many followers and supporters. You made it possible for me to be heard! Special thank you to my Gorgeous friends/family for believing in me when I put too much pressure on myself to be perfect instead of just being real. Thank you to those who read, repost, and share on social media. Finally a huge thank you to the woman who told me to speak my truth and release anything I didn’t need. She has helped me conquer my fears and face my demons head on, Ms. Imani Allen. No matter if I have a million readers or one, I put my stories out there in an effort to normalize these sometimes difficult conversations. To anyone who wants to do something DO IT, time waits for no one and you never know. Your story might help save someone’s life.I know this post is a bit short but as always that was intentional stay tuned for what I have coming next. It’s time to go a little deeper into some things, but have a lot more fun as well. You’ve all seen the Nervous side now about that confident side, she’s ready . Stay confident and cheers to deuce!

“How can you make it if you never even try?” -Outkast