Confessions of a wedding guest

Do we need to add a plus one to your invitation? I know you’re bringing somebody right? Ummmmm, nope just me this time. Just you huh ? I can’t explain how many times I have had this conversation when wedding season has come around. Since I was about 12 its safe to say I’ve been to nearly 50 or more weddings. I have always been obsessed with weddings, the planning, the dress, the venue, the decorations. I obsess over TLC "Say Yes to the Dress", "Four Weddings" all of it! As I got older I started paying way more attention to the actual ceremony and the purpose of a wedding.

Some couples are super chill, dap each other up before their first kiss. Some cry and tearfully get through their vows, every couple has their own style and it's always special to see people that choose to make that lifelong ( or however long in some cases) commitment to one another. I always have a good time when it’s time to party, I dance laugh drank a lil bit, a little more if its open bar ( please splurge on the open bar). Between May and August of this year I will have attended 5 weddings which is a new record yasssss young back love! It's so exciting to see your childhood friends growing up and taking that next step in their relationships.

It’s no secret I’m single and for the most part I'm cool with my status until someone really close to you gets engaged and for whatever Godforsaken reason you get a tap on the shoulder, “ that’s going to be you pretty soon”. Who? Me? I’m not even dating...then comes that “ well what’s wrong with you face?” I have never been and will never be jealous of a loved one jumping the broom let me make that perfectly clear k? I think the reality of what happens once your friends gets married sets in. Wow, I won’t be hanging out with this person as much, or when someone gets hitched and moves away completely. It definitely changes things.

Now my little baby cousin sister whom I love dearly is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid. Nothing makes me happier than to be by her side on that day. I literally can’t wait. As our family was talking about all things #StatenOurLove, I kept being asked,” well who is going to be your date Sam? Date? Why would I need a date? I’ll be doing the whole wedding party thing. “Of Course you need a date, who goes dateless ?” If I could have sank into my chair and melted away I would have. Imagine being over 30 and never ever had a date to a wedding. Always hoping to catch a single man on the dance floor to dance with and rarely have any luck. At least at family weddings I can play it off by dancing with my cousins or something.

I thought to myself I don’t need a date, I’m sure there will be some single men at the reception. Then my anxiety kicks in, hey old friend. Dammit will you beat it? I’m trying to find a dance partner at this party. So after I hit the bar a time or 2 I just party with my friends and just forget about it. I was leaving a wedding yesterday and a friend asked me, I know how much you love weddings and you’re going to so many, doesn’t it make you sad?”

Nah , I’m cool it’s not about me, my time will come. You sure because , I think you’re lying to yourself. It just so happens a few months ago, I had a similar conversation with my therapist. She just bluntly asked me, “Do you have a fear of dying alone?” Woah lady pump the brakes...but yes I do. Then came the snot and waterworks. I love the idea of love and being loved by 1 person and many days I feel like I may never find that person, or even worse someone else already has him in their grip. I asked my therapist this question, why do I attract unavailable men, what’s wrong with me? She immediately stopped me. “ There is nothing wrong with you, you’re a fire, your passion and light draw people to you. Sadly, sometimes the people you draw in are detached from their current situation and you are refreshing to their energy. Great for me….. To clarify unavailable could mean emotionally unavailable, involved, or someone who just doesn’t share your same views on marriage.

So now what? I have 3 more weddings to attend this summer/fall, and soon I’ll start preparing for next years anticipated family wedding. I have made a conscious decision not to feel pressured to have a plus one. If I did decide to ask someone it has to be somebody I can make fun of people’s outfits in, or somebody who will talk about the decor with me. I will continue to be a great guest, bring a card , catch the bouquet and stay away from all men wearing wedding rings. By the way I’m still in the lead for how many bouquets I’ve caught. Seriously they’re in my dining room cabinet a sick joke I made to myself. This post wasn’t supposed to be about me exactly but somehow it went there. I figured you needed some background info.

So as this wedding guest is trying to keep her emotions in check, brides/grooms here are a few tidbits your guest would like you to know when planning your big day:

1. We are Hungry ! Like now! Please have some type of snacks if there’s a break in between wedding and reception.

2. Tell your caterers to stop cooking the chicken so long, if I eat 1 more piece of dried out chicken I’m going Wendy’s

3. If your reception is a “dry reception” let your peoples know in advance so we can stock our trunks before we get there.

4. We forget to RSVP our bad send us a reminder please? I’ll bring you monies in our card.

5. Enjoy your special day, arrive on time or at least as close to on time as you can.

6. Experience everything you paid for ! I see so many people waste hundreds of dollars. Literally money down the toilet, $$$$ there’s ways to cut corners and still have a memorable day! Trust me I’ve done the research.

7. Remember this day is about you and your love. Don’t let people be all up in your planning (unless they’re contributing to the pot). Enjoy yourselves and do as much as you can between the 2 of you.

8. Please have a reliable coordinator you can’t do it all yourselves and truly be in the moment. Choose wisely!

9. Tell your mama to chill, you cannot invite Ms. Joline who lived next door to you 25 years ago. Mamas will test you, don't let her take over! Stand your ground boo ! Sorry mom it’s not your day.

10. This wedding is about you two, don't let this day go by too fast. Live in the moment!

To all of my loves that have recently gotten married, or are preparing for the big day Good luck, congratulations! Celebrate love ! Feel free to introduce me to your single cousin at the reception please and thanks. I invite all my single wedding guest to enjoy your time with your loved ones. Try not to fret the small stuff. Just know one day you’ll have that forever dance partner/wedding plus one. If not call e I’ll go with you!