You Got Me Cuffed Up
Listen up..it’s almost cuffing season. Nobody wants to be alone, not even your girl. But, as much as I want to be boo loving this fall, fellas I can’t ! I am over the dating scene here ! After my last relationship I totally said forget dating and concentrated on myself and just chilling. Since I’ve tried to dive back in the dating pool, I’m quickly ready to get the hell out the water!
I’m over 30, I want a family. I’m not interested in a quick fix. Now I have had my time where I dibbled and dabbled and had my fun. I had my “Hot Girl” time but now I'm focused on the goal at hand. My friends got a kick out of hearing some of my dating stories and I have to admit they were kind of funny. I’m pretty sure the cutie from the radio station was married. Can you believe that? He hunted me down, got my number from an associate and was still a D bag? I’m 99.9% sure he was married. We never had a phone conversation, the same dry ass “wyd” text every single day, no substance whatsoever. There was no nothing just blah. After about three weeks overdue, I simply texted I would like to date and it seems you’re unavailable so it was nice meeting you goodbye. His response,”ok” Shaking my damn head times two oh hell naw. That was probably the 1st time I ever told someone I was ending things with them but he made it way too easy.
As my loyal readers know, I have been to my share of weddings this year (5 I survived 5 weddings back to back) Ladies listen to me when I say, NEVER MEET SOMEONE AT A WEDDING! It’s a bad idea especially if weddings get you in your feelings. I was dancing looking good and I caught someone’s attention. We decided to go on a date it was cool...at first. Let’s just say it was a no go for your girl. It moved too fast and if I say it moved too fast...it moved light lightning. I had to get out of dodge! Gentlemen you smart beings! Yall know we’re vulnerable at these receptions. You wait until we get all misty eyed watching the newlyweds stare at each other then what yall do? You pounce on our lonely asses. Let’s keep it a buck guys. You can smell our loneliness, our hormones, and you’ve watched us visit the bar a few times. Well played sirs.
This blog is dedicated to my guys. If you are interested in getting you a fluffy girl (or any girl this is all body positive) to stay cuddled up with this winter, please take my advice. Ladies, I hope this reads for you and helps us all have a better cuffing season.
If you’re sliding in her DM’s please don't start off by calling her any nickname that refers to her body size, I got a few dm’s i was called big mama, big sexy...etc. Ask me how far lil homies got..delete! Even if she’s slim be mindful of how you start the conversation. Your approach says a lot about you as a man. Maybe don’t be lazy?Look in her bio, see if her name is in it, or just ask her name. Introduce yourself we appreciate that.
No unsolicited di** pics. I am childish and so are my friends. I will either block you, or share it with my friends in a group chat. It’s not attractive ok?!
If you are interested in linking up please set up an introductory date. A formal first meeting is a must. By date I mean dinner, drinks, a speakeasy, a walk, but no Netflix and Chill on day 1. NO! I personally don’t invite men over to my house until I am comfortable and that could take a while. Don’t rush it and put so much emphasis on the chill unless that’s all you’re interested in which brings me to my next point...
Please make your intentions clear. If you just want a” buddy “say that, if you want a friend say that, if you just wanna smash until the snow melts just say that. Don’t leave too much grey area it can get tricky trust me I’m an expert in this category.
Don’t feel entitled this goes for men/women. Just because someone hits you doesn’t mean they have to hit you back. We all have decisions sometimes a person just doesn’t want to engage and that’s okay. But if you are having conversations, it’s going good have at it. Make that move for the first date.
You can’t expect to get to know someone’s personality over DM’s. It’s not going to work that way. Whenever you communicate with someone you have to learn them, their style of communication, their voice inflection. How do you know if he/she is joking? How do you know if they are really lol’ing at you? Talk ! Pick up a phone sometime.
It’s going to get chilly come up with some fun indoor things to do together when the leaves start falling. Cook together, Do some house projects together. I’m not a date expert but I do know overtime the regular dates can become monotonous so switch it up..in the bedroom too which brings me to yet another tip...pun intended.
Ladies do better! Some of y’all are some prudes! At least try that 1 thing before you just flat out say no. You just may enjoy it. Send him something sexy in the middle of the day for no reason just to make him shift in his seat just a little. Off guard fun is always a good time.
Men like to be cuddled too! Don’t be greedy ladies let him be the spoon, wrap your legs around him and hold him tight. Rub his neck watch him turn to putty. (Thank me later)
Now when the cuddling season is over , you’ve been cuddled up what comes next? Do we melt with the snow, or does something else come when spring has sprung?
I said all this to say It’s about to be cold and my single ass needs to figure out my next move. I would like to date again but the pickings are slim. I need better from you men. I deserve better and now that I feel better about myself, I require more. Read a woman’s cues, I know sometimes it’s almost impossible. Just remember most of the times it’s the simple things we require. If that doesn’t help pick up some food, cover her up with a blanket and lay on her thighs.
Happy cuffing season players!